At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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