If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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