You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
