I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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