it glows. i had to have it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
