If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
