batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
