I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
