i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
