Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
