WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
