I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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