Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
