I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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