so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
