who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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