It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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