I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
