She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
