hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
