dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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