I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
