i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
