You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize