I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
