why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
