Pappa wants mamma naked
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
