Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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