i wish semen tasted like chocolate
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
