Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
