omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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