You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
