two words: eviction party
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
