Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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