he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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