the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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