; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
