funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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