Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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