dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
