I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
