All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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