But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Im part way to drunk.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
