remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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