Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
