No stitches, just platelets and will power
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
