just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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