I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
