I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
