my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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