see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
