I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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