I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
