how can u be prego again
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
