She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
