I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
