Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
