Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's shark week go big or go home
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
