Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
