Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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