you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
