Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
