she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
