Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
