So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
