Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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