So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
