I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
