Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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