you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
