So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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