There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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