As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
