so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
