someone threw a dead crab at me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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