Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
