We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
