This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
