Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole