i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.