I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
