Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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