I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
we're so committed to being not committed