no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
