I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
