why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
