mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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