Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize