Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
