ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
